Wednesday, February 12, 2014

[ don't let a number define you ]


Well, I've been slacking on my blog. I've been focusing on ME. 
for once, psh, I know - selfish me!

I'm sending a 'Thank you' to all those that keep me going, keep me focused, stay on top of me and keep me responsible for my actions. My number one is my husband, Bill. He has never ever judged me for my weight. He has never said anything about my weight until I fell into a depression and he realized I probably wasn't going to get out of it unless he said something. When I lost my father Bill didn't say much about how I ate or took care of myself, looking back I wish he would have, but I know why he didn't. January 2013 I weighed in at 185 lbs. My jaw dropped. How could my husband not say anything? How could he just know I was steadily gaining weight but not say anything? How could he know that I was killing my own body but not say anything? Better yet, how did I let myself get to this point? So, I had a plan. Once again to make my new year's resolution to loose weight. But I was never this heavy [Heaviest before this was 175 lbs]. He pushed me every day. Three months I stayed dedicated, lost 15 pounds, I fell off, got back on, fell off got back on. I lost 25 lbs in 2013. January 2014 I weighed in at 160 lbs. 
I will not let that number define me 
But I wanted more out of myself, I was still not happy with the image I saw in the mirror even if the 'number' was better. January 2014 I meal prepped every single week, I stuck to eating healthy. [EXCEPT FOR THAT ONE MEAL AT BDUBS, GAR!!] Week after week I would weigh in and see if that number changed. Actually who am I kidding I weighed in every single day. It never changed. February 4th I began 'Lean Body Challenge' its pretty much telling me that 'you are putting yourself in starvation mode even though you are eating healthy and working out. you have to feed your body with the correct nutrition to see what you want to see'. I thought to myself .. 'I'm not starving, I'm not hungry.' But GUESS WHAT, I did many things to research how much I should be eating and blah blah blah - SURPRISE the 'Lean Body Challenge' was correct, upped those calories to 1500-1600 for just one week and I lost 5.5 lbs .. but
I will not let that number define me

WEEK ONE is gone. Let me just let you in on a secret. Week One consisted of joining the 'Lean Body Challenge' to become a better me. Yes, I've been doing it 'my' way for a year now. Yes, I've been getting somewhere. BUT I am now committed to doing it the way that I've been instructed to do, and I am now committed to getting further. With this 'Lean Body Challenge' I have a meal plan to follow, tells you what to eat, when to eat, why you should it these things at specific times - things I thought I knew but had no idea. Week one also consisted of me upping my calorie intake to 1500 - 1600 calories a day [HOLY HELL]! This was really hard but I did not know that I wasn't eating enough, who judges how much you eat? WELL. I started eating, I felt like I never stopped eating and all I could think about was 'HOW IN THE WORLD WILL I EVER LOOSE WEIGHT or INCHES THIS WAY?'

Breakfast: Six Egg whites and a Kale Smoothie
Kale Smoothie:
-Two handfulls of Kale
-Five Strawberries
-Half of a Banana
-Four slices of an apple
-Four slices of an orange

Snack: Dannon Light and Fit Greek Yogurt
[add some fresh fruit if you want]

Lunch: 6oz of Chicken, 1/4 cup of black beans, 1/4 cup of Pico De Gallo

Snack/Pre-Workout: Two lightly salted gluten free Rice Cakes with two tbsp of PB

Dinner: 6oz of meat (chicken or salmon) with 1/2 cup of broccoli, 
1/2 black beans and 1/2 green beans.

Late Night Snack: Protein Shake or Dannon Light and Fit Greek Yogurt

It's not exactly 1500 - 1600 calories, but I am trying

I will not let that number define me 
Even though when I weighed in I threw a party in the bathroom. 

I set a FOUR WEEK goal to loose 5 lbs, so by March 4th I would weigh in at 155.4 but as it stands I've beat it. Now I have to set a new goal. Even if I do not drop pounds in the next three weeks I plan to drop inches. I plan to increase my actual strength. One thing I want to work on is my pull ups and my push ups. I have a weak upper body. I am not afraid to admit that. If I stay at 154.9 lbs but in three weeks I am better at doing pull ups and push ups, I'll still pat myself on the back. 

As I move into WEEK TWO I have noticed my drive is stronger. I want this more than I ever have before. I have the urge to eat extremely clean and feel bad for anyone who has the effects of bad food. Right before I took this challenge I ate at Buffalo Wild Wings, I had FIVE BONELESS WINGS and a desert with my husband. The whole next day I laid in bed sick as a dog. I never want to feel that way again, I never want to have to pay for what I ate. So after I leave the gym, I feel lean and MEAN. ARGH. But as a person, I feel great.

Thank you to everyone who is here for me. 
I can never ever repay you for your support.