Thursday, November 21, 2013

[ oh hello day two ]

Today it's overcast here in Moyock, NC. Oh by the way that is where I live now. It says it's going to be cloudy, but I see that beautiful sun peeking on through to add smiles to everyone's day! However, I'm listening to "Drink a Beer" by Luke Bryan. Man oh Man this song will make you want to just ball your eyes out. 

Well ... well ... high school. As a freshman, I carried over friends I'd met in middle school. Needless did I know that high school was going to huge growing experience .. friendships build, friendships break, puppy love, heartache and craziness all in one. My freshman year I had a good friend, Melissa, we had a pretty tight bond. She introduced me to music, she probably never knew that - but she has a love for music that I've never really seen. OH & SHE CAN SING! We'd spend nearly every weekend with each other. Nothing too exciting happened my freshman year, just kind of getting my feet wet. My sophomore year came fast and I am sure I met some really great people - I got to drive half of my sophomore year, so that was a plus! 

OH LETS GET SIDE TRACKED FOR A MINUTE! Soooo. When I was getting to be old enough to drive [ this is during my sophomore year ] my parents kept asking me what I wanted for a car, blah blah blah. I knew I would not be getting a "hand me down" so I was kind of anxious to see what it would be. Well I came home one day, mom and dad said we're going to get dinner. Did not think anything of it. But some how we ended up at my dad's work. He said "do you like it?", I said "what?", he said "get out and look at it!" I didn't really know what to say, what to do. I was floored. I remember driving home from there just smiling from ear to ear. SURPRISE!! I just got my first vehicle AND it was exactly what I wanted, a Jeep Grand Cherokee; white one at that! When we got home my mom asked how I liked it, and all I do was smile. I am so lucky to have such generous and caring parents! 

Okay, back to school. Junior year, was fun. I began meeting more and more people, exploring with my high school friendships. But I mainly stayed to myself [ as I stated in a early post .. I went to school for school and sports ]. My senior year was my best year at Cox for "finding myself". I rekindled a lot of friendships but most of all I made new friendships. I met Bill in April of my senior year. I got to introduce him to my friends - of course they all fell in love! But most of all PROM! Oh my dress, daddy hated! But I rocked it and Bill LOVED it. I made his mouth drop! Prom was a blast, I got a little bit uhhhh you know. We played tag in the house, that was interesting. We had an awesome beer pong table. 99 Apples will NEVER be consumed again, ever. Graduation was fun! My parents had a family friend throw me a really great party, the food was awesome! We danced all night! Bill got to meet most of my family, they loved him! At this point we were a few months in and I was head over heels for him! 

After graduation I began college, ugh, more school. I was not a great student at all. I hated school. While I was in college I started working full time at Sundays Blue Box Tanning Resort and I loved my job [THANKS GIRLS!] I quit college. I was not focused. I felt that I needed to thrive and make money. I left SBBTR after 6 years, I went to work for FBA for 2 years and now I am a Sales and Marketing Coordinator for Hockmeyer Equipment Corporation.

Now lets fill in a few blanks - some struggles. When I left high school I started to gain weight. I did not understand where it was coming from at first only because the slight idea of being active in high school slipped my mind. Graduating high school at 110 lbs was awesome, welllll a year later I'm 135 lbs. And my boyfriend still loves me? but yet I hate my body? I was young, I thought ohhh I'll loose the weight no worries, well 135 lbs became 140 then 155 then 165 [mind you this is over three years I had put on 55 pounds! FIFTY FIVE! do you see that? FiveFive! Shut the front door, I've officially let myself go. I was depressed, I hated what I was doing to my body and I knew I was doing it. When Bill proposed to me a made a promise to take care of myself from that day forward and I began, I got down to 144 on our wedding day [May 21, 2011], and I felt incredible. I wasn't looking to be 110 again. I wanted to feel good. After the wedding I of course went back to my old ways! WHY? WHY? WHY? I can no give you the answer, I have no answer. I began the struggle all over again. 

I feel like one day I will win. For now, this is my battle.

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