Tuesday, November 26, 2013

[ what to be thankful for ]

My mind has been full of emotions here lately. I have not wrote since well Thursday, shame on me. Right? The weekend was great - I finally got to spend some time with  my incredible hubby & it was Dixie free - because she went to Nana's house. Nana is my momma. Friday night was nice, hubby and I got a movie and fell asleep nice and early. Saturday we were busy, I ran some errands - have a hair appointment. OH I put this great color in my hair and fell in love [ THANKS ASH! ]. Had lunch with my great friend Jackie and baby Grey! Then headed home, cooked dinner and a few friends came over and sat around the fire. 

Sunday morning hubby and I went to go get breakfast, our usual Southland Snack Bar [ man oh man, nothing like some home cookin ]. Then I went to spend some time with my momma and get Dixie! Oh I was so glad to see Dixie! She came home, she missed daddy! 

Well this time of year is hard, we are into year two with out you daddy. I'm emotional and I'm on edge, a lot. I don't know how to change that or if it'll just go away. A lot of things I do will have my daddy on my mind and each day I wake up I'm thankful for those 23 years I did spend with him. I'm not thankful as often as I should be, but family is my what I am most thankful for. 

A few things about me: 
1. When I say good-bye, I have to hear "I love you" and if I don't I will call you back. 
2. If I am telling you good-bye to your face, I have to hear "I love you" and get a kiss&hug.
3. I do not like falling asleep - so much can happen in that 8 hours. 
4. I'm scared to death when my mother travels. 
5. I do not like knowing tomorrow is not promised. 

So for the days God gives me with the people he has placed in my life, I'm thankful. Some years might last longer than others, but I promise to make all the years we spend together count. I never want to live with the thoughts of "we should have done this or that"

A lot of people don't get or understand the loss of a parent, please count your blessings, but it's not easy. The person who brought you into this world, the person who taught you to crawl, stand, walk, talk - all of the above, the person who loves you more than any single person, the person who has put you first, the person who has made their life decisions solely on you, the person who you call when you've received a job promotion, the person who cheers you on at graduation, the person who walks you down the isle [in my case], the person who sees you fall in love, the person who always tells you everything will be alright is gone. I am left here. Yes I have my mother, the most wonderful mother, my best friend. But I no longer have my fathers word, his touch, his kiss ... I no longer hear those words "I love you baby girl" and it's hard. 

So the next time you pick a fight, or pick on someone - know that their tough skin isn't always tough. They could be fighting the same battle as me. be kind. Most of all be understanding.

I will always have rough days and I know this. Again why I am thankful for my family, they are living the same struggle as me - we will always have each other to lean on. Also, my friends, the ones who have remembered what I am going through in their crazy hectic lives, I am so thankful for you devotion. I will never be able to put it into words. 

Two people who've never let me down through the roughest time of my life are my greatest friends. I have to give a huge thanks to these two: 
Elizabeth ; my giggle twin. You were the first, the first to know - not only about  my daddy, but everything about me - my family - my life. You were the one I called when my world came crumbling down. You were the one who I could always count on, snow storm, hailing, noreastern, anything you'd be there. But I am so thankful for you, on that day, you rushed to my mother. You were the first one to get to her, give all your love. You stayed with me all day. You never once wanted to leave me. With you by my side, I knew I was okay, I knew that my daddy knew I was safe. I love you, each and every single day - you are my very best friend. <3 
Lauren ; my best boo friend. If you know anything about Lauren and I - we have been through all the lows and highs a teenage friendship can bring. But when my father passed she stood by my side - never left my side - she cried when I cried and held me when I needed to be held. She'd always remind me to call her or text her when I needed her. She never would let me be alone, always checking on me. You have been a HUGE blessing, and you have shown me that God has a way of timing, I am so thankful for you and our friendship. I love you Boo. 

Okay Okay, enough with the tears. I gotta swallow this sadness and remember daddy wouldn't want it to this way ... 

Always remember to be thankful. 

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